Before Al‑Anon I was so sure I could fix both my marriage and my husband. I tried self-help books, couples counseling, and women’s shelters. I thought about Al‑Anon, but I denied that alcoholism was the whole problem. I was ashamed of our marriage, but we put on an act for family and made it look like all was happy. I blamed my husband for all our problems. I thought I knew so much because I hadn’t come from an alcoholic family, whereas he had. Eventually, I couldn’t take his abuse anymore.
When I was facing major surgery, I thought he should stop drinking, but he continued. In desperation, I went to my first Al‑Anon meeting. I saw it online and thought of going for years. When I finally arrived, smiling faces welcomed me. Tears rolled down my cheeks once I sat down. I thought to myself—I finally did it—and couldn’t wait to ask people how to fix this mess. Instead, they listened to me cry and vent. They hugged me and told me that they understood. They were so comforting and told me to come back. I did come back.
Since then, my life and marriage have gotten so much better. I have new friends that get me, so I no longer complain to people who don’t understand this disease. My self-worth has improved because now I understand alcoholism. Furthermore, my relationships have improved because I know that I can’t change anyone but myself. I have hope and serenity now. Our family is happy again.
By Julie P., Illinois
The Forum, February 2019
My husband has been an alcoholic for 40 years. He was in the emergency room because of heart failure (Afib), he stayed at the hospital for 2 nights with no visitors allowed due to COVID . He relapsed about two weeks after he checked himself out of the hospital. He is now drinking again. I’m afraid he is going to go back to the hospital. He’s been to rehab at least 30 times. We have two small children age 2 and a 9 month old.
I have been reading comments for one week straight. I’ve never been to a meeting dealing with my newest version of my life. I have grown up around alcoholics. My godparents are in AA and helped raise me to believe the best for every person’s journey. And yet, each comment and letter hits a nerve, a chord, and I realize that my story is not unlike so many others. Amid the covid pandemic, I have woken up my inner self. My anger is not at my husband and his drinking or his two trips to the hospital during a pandemic.… Read more »
Hi😃 Have Been Trying to Change my Husband Forever! Been Married 34yrs! He is in Out of Hospital! Overdose ING! Lots Of Rehab s! Not Helped! He is in ICU Right Now! Not Understand!
I filed for divorce last week and it was a hard decision. I have tried for 6 years to stop my husband from drinking. The verbal abuse was horrible and the next day he was sorry. I am damaged and my children damaged from the uncertainty of what the next day will bring. I love my soon to be ex more than almost anything but my children I love more. What a terrible disease and even worse the victims.
I went to my first Al-Anon meeting last week. I was overwhelmed by the love and acceptance. I immediately knew I was amongst those that had “been there.” I bawled the whole time, but no one judged me. A kind lady offered me Kleenex and a hug, and another calmed me with letting me know that they all understood. Everyone has their first meeting. They just kept encouraging me to return. My alcoholic husband of 37 years finally lead me here, and it was the best decision I have made in awhile. So many stories I heard (and have read)… Read more »
To find a phone or online meeting please click on link: https://al-anon.org/al-anon-meetings/electronic-meetings/
I have been with my husband through 2 bad years where he almost died many times and 4 wonderful sober years. He just started again and I’m watching him lose everything fast…his career, his future and it is hard. I do not have local al-anon so will try online. I love my husband and he loves me but now has found a female who will drive him to bars and buy him booze and is in love with him so not sure what to do. I realize when he drinks he’s totally selfish and nothing is more important than his… Read more »
I am also in this vicious cycle and feel trapped. I am hoping to seek help
Al-Anon has moved me along… from utter and futile resistance towards all things alcohol, and frankly, all things NOT… From the erroneous and exhausting belief that I had the power, AND the authority to change my husband, because we are married… I blamed every dumb, unconscious and human error on my spouse’s drinking. I manipulated every human way. And like this article, when I had major surgery planned, I did my best to make him see I needed him to not drink… wielded the tool of guilt. Well, it was Al-Anon and wonderful sponsors that have helped me realize the… Read more »
I am going to go to my first meeting tomorrow regarding my husband. I have talked to my parents and best friend about everything but i can’t talk to him because he won’t listen even though he admits to having a problem. He will not get help and is now hiding his drinking, well thinks he is hiding it. It has put such a strain on me mentally and physically (can’t sleep or eat). I worry about going out because i know he will drink before, there and when we get home. I will wake up on a Saturday and… Read more »
This is my first forum in seeking options for my husbands drinking. I’m embarrassed, defeated, angry and saddened by this whole situation.
I’m extremely embarrassed to go to a meeting and have to tell my story. I feel I would be hindering my marriage but I know it’s best for me. I would feel guilty for turning to others instead of my husband but I feel stuck.
I really want to go to a meeting I think it will help me to understand why my husband doesn’t want to get help I can’t change anything if he don’t want help
Today I attended my first Al-Anon meeting and boy was it an experience. To know you’re not alone was so comforting. The testimony above was me this morning, crying, a mess, nervous, not knowing what to expect, but the other members of the group were so welcoming – it was as though they could read my mind. I left feeling better equipped with spiritual tools on how to handle my personal situation. I will continue to attend. Thank you for providing this program.
This is my first opportunity to check on line to pursue resources to assist me in dealing with husband’s alcohol consumption and negative impact which has also led me to drink with him on an almost daily basis. Looking forward to my first Al-Anon Meeting Saturday morning. Tx
you have inspired me to go to a meeting… I have been in my relationship for 20 years thinking I can change his drinking. I keep on doing the same things over and over hoping for different results that never come. Thank you for sharing, I’m going to finally do something different…
Thank you for sharing. What an AWESOME !!!! Program.