I think for a long time the only power I felt I had was to get enraged. I felt powerless in every other way. It’s funny that I think I’m in charge and intimidating when I get angry, because really, the anger has me on strings like a puppet. Anger is a normal human emotion, but without a proper channel for it, it only spells destruction. And that’s where I had gotten to—destruction. Nothing good was coming from these rages.
My partner’s drinking had cost her many things in her life. It seemed she would rather do anything than admit she was powerless over her drinking and, in that powerlessness, find the strength that comes with surrendering. In my moments of rage, I, too, needed to surrender and realize that I was powerless over alcohol and that my life had become unmanageable, as it says in Step One.
I finally listened to the inner voice that told me to come back to Al‑Anon. One afternoon, in a situation where I normally would’ve gotten angry and a terrible fight would’ve surely broken out, I just didn’t say anything. I got in the car and distanced myself from the situation. I had no idea what to do anymore. Then I saw an Al‑Anon poster in town, and I knew what I needed to do.
Just being here in meetings has given me so much hope and has made me feel loved. I think that just stepping through the door to attend a meeting is the first step to healing. Reflecting on Step One this past week, I’ve felt more peaceful. I know that when things become unmanageable again, I just have to remember that when I take care of myself and stop trying to control others, the anger dissipates, and peace takes its place.
By Anonymous
The Forum, August 2024
Feel free to reprint this article on your service arm website or newsletter, along with this credit line: Reprinted with permission of The Forum, Al‑Anon Family Group Headquarters, Inc., Virginia Beach, Virginia, USA.