Welcome to First Steps to Al-Anon Recovery. This is a series of podcasts to discuss some common concerns for people who have been affected by someone else’s drinking.
Today we’re going to ask Al-Anon members how they came to realize that their lives had become unmanageable.
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I came to Al-Anon to help my loved one recover. Reading the first paragraph of the book, “How Al-Anon Works” gave me my first glimmer into the ways my own life was unmanageable. Like the person who wrote that paragraph, I was having trouble getting out of bed in the morning. I had lost any sense of spirituality even though I knew at one time I had been developing an understanding of a Higher Power. I had lost myself but because I somehow still made it out bed, went to work, paid the bills, I thought I was “managing”. The… Read more »
I have been in a relationship with an alcoholic for just about 5 years. A year ago I reached a point where I had no joy left in my life. I wasn’t sleeping and could barely eat. Every single day I let his alcoholism determine what kind of day I was going to have. I had reached a limit and realized I cannot help him if he doesn’t want to help himself. My health had deteriorated because of the stress his behaviour was causing and I felt hopeless. I have alienated friends and family because of the shame I felt.… Read more »
Beings an adult child of alcoholic parents, and the mother of an adult alcoholic child, all I can say is, I’m a mess. My life has been totally powerless over alcohol and my life became unmanageable from a young age. Didn’t quite see the signs of being messed up growing up, could of been because of my own drinking in my teen years. I always seemed to never fit in, struggled with friendships and trust in others. Even now at the age of 63.it wasn’t until a couple years ago someone dear to my heart, told me about Alanon, so… Read more »
I’m all tangled up in the recovery/non-recovery cha-cha my alcoholic husband has been doing for the last two years. My life has definitely become unmanageable; for the five years before, I did my best to leave his drinking to him and his higher power. But somehow this supposed recovery has sent me into a knot of dread and paralysis; once again, I know I need to turn my husband and his disease over to a power greater than myself. Trying to “help” has done nothing of the kind. I pray daily to be released from the burden of anger and… Read more »
I returned to Al-Anon after 19 years away, when my alcoholic brother emailed me for money (again), but this time he said he had no food in the house. I now live in another state than when I began my Al-Anon journey. My sober brother and sister-in-law and I will not give our drinking brother any money or assistance of any kind, but I still needed support, so I went on-line and found Al-Anon meetings. After a few months, I had the courage to ask a woman to be my sponsor! Now I have a person who understands, with whom… Read more »
I knew my partner of 5 years was a heavy drinker when we first started dating, but I always had deep feelings for him. He was good looking, very educated and I thought, “Wow, life is going to be awesome.” It has turned out to be anything but awesome. In the last five years, he has sold all my jewelry, taken my work car out for a joy ride drunk, stole liquor from our corner store, lost jobs, pawned the family tv, stole alcohol from every person’s house we know or he worked for, including family. I decided he is… Read more »
I have kept coming back to Al-Anon for some time now, but it took a lot for me to get here. I come from a large family, and alcohol and/or other substances permeated my life. I always wanted to “help” somebody, but that seemed to fall through almost always. I knew I was not living up to my potential, but could not figure out what had happened. I finally got into a relationship with one more alcoholic. What was going to make it work out this time was that she was in A.A. I was in very poor condition by… Read more »
Feeling my life is unmanageable (which still happens sometimes, even after being in Al-Anon) feels like I’m “sitting on sandpaper.” There is no comfort in trying to control people, places, and things–particularly the alcoholic. My solution is to breathe, pray the Serenity Prayer: “God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference.” This helps me pause, and not say or do something I might regret later, when I’m not feeling so upset. Al-Anon teaches many more ideas that help to give a new perspective… Read more »
I’m a recovering alcoholic and drug user, will be sober for 10 years coming in May. I’ve stayed with my husband who quit the drugs, but has continued drinking. He went to jail Friday, convicted of his 4th OWI. Just last Wednesday he jumped in the truck to go to the bar after consuming many beers. Because he knew he was going to plead guilty, he had decided to spend his paychecks on his needs and not help with the bills. This had gone on for quite some time. I found myself in total debt. And afraid to be alone… Read more »
My best friend has been abusing alcohol over the last 1.5 years. Both his parents died within 4 months of each other and then I had acute angina while visiting in another state where he has family. I ended up having double bypass surgery and he stayed to help with my recovery. When we returned home, all hell broke loose and he started to go on binges and that has continued. He lost one job and ended up being unemployed since. He joined AA and a program and was sober for 3 months, then slipped and continues to slip frequently.… Read more »
My life was also turned upside down too because of my mom, she was a drug addict and so was my dad so I’m living with my grandparents and I can’t see my mom or dad, but I’ve been going to different Al-Anon meetings, and I just watched a video on drinking too much. I think that if I worry about my life, I”ll be OK.
Wow! I wish I knew Al-Anon years ago. It is changing me. My Higher Power is my God and He brought me to this program. I have been through 3 meetings and I will never stop. I encourage everyone to go. It is helping me so much with my relationship. I used to be frustrated and did not know how to handle my stress, but with Al-Anon it was meant for me and I am going to take that blessing that God led me to this program to help me and other families that have the same problem. Everyone needs… Read more »
A los 17 años por imitación el el hogar empece a ingerir bebidas alcohólicas, todos lo hacían, mi madre, mi hermano mayor , los compadres, esto debido a que mi padre con siguió una mujer dentro de los grupos de AA, el dejo la casa y se fue a vivir a otro colonia de la ciudad, y así mi resentimiento crecía y crecía.. de mil formas. POR QUE? bebe mi madre, por que beben en casa, por que estoy bebiendo yo. Y asi muchas preguntas, una ves se me pasaron las copas y anestesiadi aparecí en una avenida tirado, me… Read more »
My husband and I are both out of work. His drinking habit is bankrupting us. I can’t trust him to be away from him for long periods of time. I went to visit my daughter two years ago. He was supposed to pick me up from the airport. He didn’t show up. I called him and everyone that I knew that would know where he was. We found him passed out in the car in the airport’s parking lot. He is making bad decisions and I have to constantly watch him to stop him. He lies constantly. I find wine… Read more »
Thanks so much for sharing. My life has become unmanageable and I’m pretty sure you who read this will understand. I started mixing drinks for my dad at age 9. I remember a time when my dad went to work on a Wednesday and came home on Saturday, throwing money up in the air because he had just come home from a bout of bingeing in Vegas. I remember being in the car in the middle of the night in my PJs while my mom drove by his favorite bars trying to track him down. Recently I stood in ICU… Read more »
I am so glad you all have found this website. I know for me, I cannot get to Al-Anon meetings, but having this forum is very helpful. With 15 years or more of my husband drinking heavily, and now with him dry for 2, one would think all would be well. It isn’t. I still have so much anger for the life that has been wasted and I sometimes think I have PTSD that is triggered by everyday things around our house. I wonder and I hope that one day I will be able to put this behind me (us)… Read more »
I have had enough. I have been married to an alcoholic for 7 years. Tonight I finally called the police on him. I saw the fear and pain in my little boy’s face as he watched Dad–big, strong Dad–curled up on the floor in a closet cursing and yelling. He watched as my husband threatened to throw our computer across the room (I physically had to pull if out of his hands and I’m half his size), throw a glass at a window, and break whatever was in his path. This is somewhat mild compared to many episodes we’ve had… Read more »
The stories are heart-breaking. It is hard to let others solve their own problems and to find happiness when our loved ones are suffering from the results of addictions. We cannot solve someone else’s problem, but we don’t need to be a victim or a rescuer either. With the help of my Higher Power, I am learning to choose happiness for today. Worrying about someone I love and what might happen, and trying to solve it by going over and over the problem in my mind, doesn’t solve the problem. My problem in the situation is obsessing about it and… Read more »
My husband of 12 years has been an alcoholic/addict since the age of 15. He is now 43. He’s been through tons of rehabs, in and out of prison and today is in another rehab. It’s been a major struggle, physically and mentally. I am so tired of my life being unmanageable. He’s cheated on me with other women and just for money for his next high, has seduced other men. Unfortunately, I loved him to the point of using with him, just so I would not lose him. I am fortunate enough to have a strong spirit and never… Read more »
My moment came when my partner took my car and received a DUI. It took me a week to get my car back because we were broke until I got paid. He is on disability. So there I was, grieving the death of my beloved dog, which coincided with the death anniversary of my gramdmother. He was in jail, and I was completely alone to deal with it all. As I sat tryng to come up with another miracle to pull him out, I had the thought–what next? I believe my higher power told me almost out loud–he is going… Read more »