As a child, I thought of my differences from others as something that made me special. No one else I knew lived in a single-parent home or moved and changed schools every year. As I grew, I tried to learn from others how to fit in. I saw that having a partner was a popular thing. I thought alcoholism entered my life when my partner did. But when I finally found Al‑Anon, I learned that I had been raised in the disease as well. The distorted thinking I grew up with allowed me to feel comfortable in isolation and separateness.
I first started hearing about diversity in Al‑Anon at a service-related workshop. I was from an Area that didn’t have a lot of diversity. Wait, what? I was locked into the idea that diversity was only linked to skin color or wealth status. As I considered what else it might mean, I discovered that anything that can set us apart from each other could be considered diversity. Anytime I gathered with other people, my search would begin. I’d look for others of my gender, of my age, with my lack of fancy clothes. I would quickly assess the room for people like me and become uncomfortable if no one fit the bill.
As my understanding of diversity broadened, I realized the members who attended groups with me were indeed diverse. I saw educational diversity, which led to economic diversity. That same diversity led to opportunities for some but not others, including various educational backgrounds that emerged as I got to know members’ stories. Differences of opinion, understanding, and levels of recovery all started to appear even as our stories shared a common thread. What seemed like a circle of families and friends fighting a battle with alcoholism became a rich, colorful fabric, woven with stories of differences but all creating the same tapestry.
The more I held my differences up to the principles of the Twelve Steps, the more I saw how many similarities we had. I can honor that someone is different from me and recognize that, with those differences, we travel the same path of recovery in our own ways of understanding. This opened me to the idea that I was truly part of the circle of Al‑Anon.
In keeping with Tradition Five, Al‑Anon’s only purpose has always been to help families of alcoholics. True to Tradition Three, the only requirement for membership is that there be a problem of alcoholism in a relative or friend. Even so, I can come to Al‑Anon without reservation to see if it helps me and freely decide to leave if I think it isn’t helping.
The introduction to the “Groups at Work” section of the 2022-2025 Al‑Anon/Alateen Service Manual (P-24/27) says, “Al‑Anon is a unique fellowship that unites members of different backgrounds in an inspiring endeavor: helping themselves and others to lead purposeful, useful lives by overcoming the frustration and helplessness caused by close association with an alcoholic.” I have realized that my frustration or sense of helplessness is not different because of my skin color, education level, or any of those other things that might cause me to consider myself different from you.
Our newest daily reader, A Little Time for Myself (B-34), shows how diverse the Al‑Anon fellowship has become while still being able to come together for our one purpose. Many years have passed since Al‑Anon’s humble beginnings. Along the way, our groups have continued to grow as we welcome and embrace diversity by acknowledging our common welfare. Our own personal recovery is the proof that the program works to restore us to sanity.
When I find myself looking to fit in with the members around me by comparing our outsides, I challenge myself to look for the similarities inside. In this way, I can “see” with my ears and heart to receive the message of help and hope, from anyone, anywhere.
By Christa A., Senior Group Services Specialist
The Forum, October 2024
“Inside Al-Anon Family Groups” presents news, policy, and commentary from volunteers, staff, and readers sharing experience through service. Please feel free to reprint these articles on your service structure website or newsletter, along with this credit line: Reprinted with permission of Al-Anon Family Group Headquarters, Inc., Virginia Beach, Virginia, USA.