I was addicted to my son.
Coming to that realization was a major aha moment for me. For years, I hadn’t been able to separate my son from his disease. I thought I just needed to “fix” his mental health issues, but now, I realize that he is an alcoholic and I have been playing a major part in the family disease. I have been working with my Al‑Anon Sponsor, and when I met with her recently, it came to me that my son is my addiction. I learned that alcoholics are addicted to alcohol, and I am addicted to people. I had no idea I was so addicted to my son.
For years, I have been worried about him, constantly wondering if he is in jail or driving drunk and hurting someone or himself. Reminding him to get to his court dates and call his probation officer was so exhausting. He would come over to my house and throw up from his drinking the night before. All of this broke my heart, and I lost myself in the process.
My son is now almost 20 years old, and I find myself trying to remember who I am. With this latest epiphany—that I am addicted to my son—I have an opportunity to recover myself. I am on a path of rediscovering what I like and what makes me happy and fulfilled. It feels a bit scary, but I know that I will bloom as I just take a day at a time and focus on myself. I am learning to stop myself from checking on him to see if he is okay, and I am trying to learn to check on myself to see if I am okay and to figure out what I might need.
I am so grateful to have the Al‑Anon program, the people in the meetings, and my Higher Power in my life to be the guiding lights for my recovery. As I am detaching, setting boundaries, and focusing on myself, I am also giving my son room to take responsibility for himself. I have seen him show a bit of maturity, and he now has the opportunity to discover himself on his Higher Power’s timetable.
I am learning to “Let Go and Let God,” and I look forward to finding myself again!
By Anna C.
The Forum, August 2024
Feel free to reprint this article on your service arm website or newsletter, along with this credit line: Reprinted with permission of The Forum, Al‑Anon Family Group Headquarters, Inc., Virginia Beach, Virginia. USA.