Welcome to “First Steps to Al-Anon Recovery” from Al-Anon Family Groups. This is a series of podcasts to discuss some common concerns for people who have been affected by someone else’s drinking.
Maggie, Corrie, Jack, and Jane are with us today. All are active Al-Anon members. They are willing to talk about dangerous situations they or their chidren have experienced due to someone else’s drinking.
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I have experienced the danger that can sometimes happen in alcoholic families. My ex-husband became very violent after struggling with his drinking and drug use for several years. My problem was that I didn’t take it seriously. I felt it was my job to keep my family together–when in truth, it was my job to keep myself and our children safe. It took some time, but Al-Anon helped me learn what I needed to do to keep myself and the children safe from angry outbursts, drunk driving, and other things that can happen. I was not being disloyal by putting… Read more »
I appreciate everyone’s comments, so thank you. My husband and I met in a bar. I have been married for 10 years but with my husband for 25 yrs. Broke up when dating for almost two years when my daughter was 5 because he had an affair. We got back together and finally married because my daughter wanted daddy to be there. He is a functional alcoholic, works 8-5 M-F, comes home, has 2 beers to unwind, watches the news and then goes outside to enjoy the night air and drinks 2 mixed drinks every night. On the weekends he… Read more »
I was born in 1957 and exposed to the world of alcoholism and codependency for years to follow. Of course, I was too young to understand the destructive behavior from my mother. Back in those years, neighbors and relatives unfortunately looked the other way, except for the times when the fire department had to be called because she set her bedroom lamp on fire and barricaded the door with a heavy dresser. Neighbors came out of their safe and normal homes and quickly went back inside. This was just one of many incidents that happened through the years. My sister,… Read more »
I am so grateful for finding this site. I am desperate for someone to talk to. I am so very ashamed about being with my husband. I cannot tell my mother because she is judgmental and I already feel like it is my fault for being in this marriage. I blame myself, thinking my relationships failing are my fault because he drills in my head that he drinks because I nag. I have been with my husband 13 years and been married 9. We dated when we were younger. He contacted me after he got divorced. I was married but… Read more »
I have been married nearly three years. But we have been together for more than eight. When we began dating he never drank. When I asked him if it was because he had a drinking problem, he lied. My husband drinks excessively every day and has done so for 3 1/2 years. I am angry and resentful. I have a great disdain for alcoholics and addicts. I have tried to be supportive, non-judgmental and even to ignore the issue. The more I try, however, the angrier I am becoming. He has made empty promises, more than I care to count.… Read more »
Thank you all for writing the comments, for it is helping me again to get a grip onto my own life today. For I’m seeking once again Al-Anon’s help. I’m a granddaughter, niece, ex-wife and now a mother of an alcoholic, which I have just found out this past 3 weeks. My daughter is 29 and lives 1,500 miles from me. She screamed for help after wrecking her car into a telephone pole. We brought her home, got her into detox, and she went home after her husband had threatened her that she would never get to see her 3… Read more »
I have always felt so alone–until reading these posts. Thank you all for writing so that others can benefit. It really does help knowing I’m not alone, and that I’m not crazy! I was married to an alcoholic man for 22 years. We divorced in the end of 2010 (3 yrs ago). The crazy thing is, throughout our marriage I had never ever complained about my husband to anyone, not wanting my family and friends to have poor views of us. My husband was also and still is a very functioning alcoholic. He gets up for work every day. He… Read more »
In a live-in relationship with an alcoholic boy friend. He was sober when we started dating and the drinking started and then escalated. He was sober 3 yrs before and understands the process needed to sober up again. I know it’s not my fault that he drinks and I know I can’t stop him. I found he has been contacting prostitutes, some are tranny’s, for a long time. I know he’s lying to me and of course he doesn’t want to talk about it. I can’t talk to him about anything while sober, because that’s generally while he is at… Read more »
I have no history of alcoholism in my family–until I married one 2 years ago. When dating, my husband and I drank socially and I thought it was just that, social drinking. Things changed once we got married and I noticed a pattern of drinking that I was not comfortable with. With 2 kids in the household at the time (now we have 3), an incident occurred in which my children were put at risk of danger. Several incidents thereafter arose, including my son being left in daycare after hours while under his stepfather’s care. I had not a clue… Read more »
Survey results show that more than half of all Al-Anon members and almost 40 percent of the Alateens (young Al-Anon members, usually teenagers, whose lives have been affected by someone else’s drinking) received professional help before attending Al-Anon or Alateen. After becoming involved in Al-Anon, more than 40 percent of Al-Anon members seek medical treatment or counseling, and almost 70 percent of Alateens seek medical treatment or counseling.
I have been in a lot of danger with my mom.
Wow, love reading these posts. I am currently separated from my addict/alcoholic husband who is bipolar and diabetic. What a great combo huh? He would have fits of rage punching walls (many years ago) and recently just plain mean. I thought I was detaching, but I was ignoring and became a doormat and didn’t tell him his behavior was unacceptable. After finding out he started growing MJ in the backyard for “medicinal” purposes, I had to get out. It hit the fan and now my family of four and a granddaughter are all in different places. Life is not fun… Read more »
Well, I’m glad I found this site. My husband was doing good. So I thought, up till last night. He got dropped off again drunk. Then takes his vehicle into town at 9:00 p.m. to get cigars. I’m so sick of all of this. We own 10 rentals. Sometime I want to just move into one of fake rolex to get away. If he wants to go out and get drunk, I wish he would just come home and sleep it off. No, he tries kissing on me and the smell makes me half sick.
I’m so glad I came across this and was able to read the stories you all have wrote. I’ve been married going on 10 years. Been with him for 13 total. Same for me, I was raised around alcohol and partying. My mother would get drunk and go after my dad with swords. Yes, I mean swords. He ended up putting me on his lap one time that she did that hoping to get her attention. My dad also is a manic-depressive. Has been pretty much all his life. He also was raised around a bunch of drinking. My grandma… Read more »
Ohhh my, it seems that we almost have the same issues. I am married for 7 months to a beautiful person, once she isn’t drunk. My wife has been an alcoholic for more than 10 years. She is also bipolar. I got so angry when she started drinking again. I try talking to her about her drinking, but she doesn’t want to stop. She gets physical and abusive towards me that she doesn’t remember anything when she is sober. I am extremely nervous to the point that I want to leave. She is hurting this relationship and if she doesn’t… Read more »
I am going to attend my first Al-Anon meeting on Tues. eve. I am dreading telling my husband I am going for fear of his reaction towards me and his drinking. But I want to see if this will help me sort things out. I married my husband 24 years ago knowing he was an alcoholic and he attended meetings weekly. I wish I had known that he needed to continue his meetings to be successful, but once we married he started to slip and drink some wine with me and I enjoyed the company. I did not know how… Read more »
I grew up in an alcoholic family – my father, step-father and grandfather. Many other family members as well. My father and step-father died early deaths, because of alcohol. My grandfather lived longer but had serious health complications that eventually led to his death. After hearing this podcast, most especially from Jack saying he didn’t know how to interact with normal people, I started to cry because I relate with that feeling. I’ve been in relationships that were healthy (with non-alcoholic men) but my last three relationships were with alcoholic men. I had a child with one, and left him… Read more »
I have a mother who is an alcoholic and who is bipolar. Alcohol has always been apart of my life. My father was also an alcoholic and passed away four years due to his drinking. It’s the hardest thing to feel so helpless for someone you love. I’m now just realizing that my parents’ drinking has affected me many different ways. I get so angry when I find out she is drinking and I try and talk to her about it. I try to be a peace maker with everyone. I get physically upset when I hear people yelling or… Read more »
I have been married for twenty years to an alcoholic. I grew up with an alchoholic dad. 3 weeks ago I called the police on my husband for choking and kicking our 16-year-old daughter. He is living outside of the home. Due to a no-contact order. DHS is involved now. I feel like the biggest worst-ever parent for not doing something years ago. We have 2 children in college and one on the way to college. And a 9-yr-old son. After reading these comments, I realize that I am not alone.
I have been in Al-Anon for about 2 yrs. Now my husband is an active alcoholic who refuses to seek help. I realize I didn’t cause it, can’t change it or even cure it. However, we have been married for 12 yrs. We have two young sons who have seen and heard too much of their father’s violent episodes. I separated from my spouse for about six months, hoping he would address his drinking and verbal abuse toward me. The time apart did wonders for me. I felt strong again, somewhat happy with the decision, then got the news my… Read more »