Some days, all I notice in my partner are the things that drive me crazy, even though he is sober. My nerves are on edge. It feels like the same tension repeating over and over. How do I interrupt this negative cycle?
It’s simple: I “Let It Begin with Me,” even though it feels awkward. I make a conscious effort to see and acknowledge something good in my husband. I look him in the eyes, and I express my appreciation, praising his character, complimenting him, and thanking him for his kindness toward me.
It’s easy to spot flaws, but in Al‑Anon I learn the skill of noticing the positives. It takes courage to push my ego out of the way. It takes courage to say it out loud, with kindness, to him. These challenges are not meant to break me. They are meant to help me grow and become the person I am meant to be—strong, loving, and gracious.
This change in my attitude can aid my marriage—and all my affairs—by making every relationship stronger, because I am becoming stronger. I am growing into a better person.
So, I find something positive and say it out loud. I practice kindness as I would with a fellow member or a newcomer—the way I would like my husband to be with me. “God, grant me the courage…”
By Chava
The Forum, April 2026
Feel free to reprint this article on your service arm website or newsletter, along with this credit line: Reprinted with permission of The Forum, Al‑Anon Family Group Headquarters, Inc., Virginia Beach, Virginia, USA.