The main drinker in my life has many wonderful attributes. One evening when he was drunk, however, he picked a meaningless argument with me that was useless and destructive. I used the tool of detachment that I learned in Al‑Anon and quietly got up and walked into another room. As I walked away, he called out to remind me of all the caring and kind things he had done for me the past week.
It was true. He had done many nice things for me and our family that week. He was also capable of becoming irrational and belligerent with the help of alcohol. I could feel all the nice things wash away with his drunkenness that night. It was like I had built a beautiful sandcastle on the beach—each tower and moat constructed from his kind deeds, thoughtful gestures, and responsible actions—only to have it wash away when the inevitable drunken tide came in. How easy it used to be for me to put all my effort into building and believing in sandcastles, only to be devastated when they were predictably destroyed by the alcoholic tide.
After six years in Al‑Anon, I am learning to build my castle on high ground. The foundation and structure I build by going to meetings, working the Steps, talking to my Sponsor, sponsoring others, and engaging in service give me stability and resilience. I can watch the sandcastles go up and the waves come in from a distance, knowing that whatever happens with the tides of alcoholism, I am in a structure that can never be washed away, built with the help of my Higher Power and the support of a loving fellowship.
By Kelly M., Utah
The Forum, June 2023
Feel free to reprint this article on your service arm website or newsletter, along with this credit line: Reprinted with permission of The Forum, Al-Anon Family Group Headquarters, Inc., Virginia Beach, VA.
I always used to refer back to “I knew a man built his house out of sand” when I looked at my marriage. Every time it came crashing down around my ears and I was devasted. I no longer have that – devastation or marriage. One day at a time I have built my own house and acted in my own best interests. It’s not always been easy but then life is not always easy. I have come to understand I am enough. I know who I am – me, a strong, fearless, vulnerable, capable, intelligent, loving, funny, noisy woman.… Read more »
I always used to refer back to “I knew a man built his house out of sand” when I looked at marriage. Every time it came crashing down my ears and I was devasted. I no longer have that – devastation or marriage. One day at a time I have built my own house and acted in my own best interests. It’s not always easy but then life is not always easy. I have come to understand I am enough. I am a strong, fearless, vulnerable, capable, intelligent woman. It’s a lovely feeling and is certainly preferable tp being depressed,… Read more »
Yesterday, I prayed to God to help me begin to learn how to detach with love and 15m later – when I logged into my morning meeting – the topic of that meeting was detach with love 💕 🙏🏼
A member read this story from Forum Mag and I just love it
I love the way there’s still love there. I’m putting a bit of that sweetness and plan full self-service into my pocket. I’m taking it with me. Thank you!
Thank You for sharing your experience, strength, and hope. The analogy of building beautiful sandcastles that get destroyed is perfect for me. I can relate to putting so much effort into things that were destroyed in an instant, getting my hope up, only to be devastated when my alcoholic didn’t come through on the promise. I am thankful for Al-Anon. I live my life in reality not the fantasy of the possibility. I am learning to fully live, rather than merely existing and waiting.
I clicked on this sharing at random, at 4:00 in the morning when I couldn’t sleep for some reason.
It did not apply directly to me – [the alcoholic] is my 22yo daughter, not my spouse. It did however apply 100% to a newcomer to our AFG that I am sponsoring. I have forwarded it to her and believe that she will find it very helpful.