When I first joined Al‑Anon, the slogan “Let It Begin with Me” struck me. It felt like those particular words, in that particular order, were the essence of what brought me to my first meeting.
One memory stands out most clearly. I was in the middle of the kitchen talking to my adolescent daughter. I knew that she was upset with me for something, and I felt so uncomfortable with this idea that I pleadingly asked if she was mad at me. Her face softened and she started to apologize.
Before she could even finish, I felt as if I were outside my own body, watching the interaction unfold. Immediately, I flashed back to a childhood of over-responsibility. I saw myself unable to experience my own emotions, caring instead only for those of my alcoholic mother. I realized I had been no more responsible for my mother’s feelings then than my daughter was responsible for mine in the present.
She deserves to have her feelings and be validated for them. As her mother, I am responsible for understanding why her frustration with me or unhappiness at my choices makes me uncomfortable. By accepting this responsibility, I can allow generational trauma to end with me.
By replacing the maladaptive parenting strategies that were modeled for me with program principles and guidance from my Higher Power, I am choosing to “Let It Begin with Me.” I can let my daughter’s generation of parenting begin with me. It will never be perfect, but when I make the choice every day to seek guidance from my Al‑Anon program and my Higher Power, it doesn’t have to be.
By Hope W.
The Forum, June 2024
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