What Al‑Anon tools help you overcome challenges from growing up in an alcoholic home?
Please share your experiences by commenting on the topic below. The opinions expressed here are strictly those of the person who gave them. Take what you liked and leave the rest. Member sharing on the Member Blog may be used in future Al‑Anon publications.
This month we’re asking you to share on the question, “What Al‑Anon tools help you overcome challenges from growing up in an alcoholic home?”
Learning how to be an adult has been quite an adventure for me since joining Al-Anon in my early twenties. Because my home life had been so chaotic, I left home at 16. As a consequence I came into Al-Anon with an alcoholic husband and a two-year-old daughter. I had no high school diploma or driver’s license. A fellow Al-Anon member who had learned to drive in her thirties helped me get a license. A close relationship with a loving Higher Power who was with me every day gave me the courage to go to community college. For quite some… Read more »
Attending meetings has helped!
Many years ago, I got a gift of a journal at an Al-Anon meeting. That is when I got introduce to journaling which brought me to writing. It is a way of getting my feelings out with no filter. It’s like a purging. It helps me to see the words in black and white and express myself. It helps me to reasoning things out with myself, my sponsor or share at a meeting. Also, by me journaling I got the courage to start submitting articles to The Forum. If you know me that is an out of box experience for… Read more »
I grew up by the seaside in a lovely old house, learning to bake, paint, sing, play and to work. I just didn’t learn how to love. I do love, but in a way that would scare most people away. If I was truthful, my dating profile or roommate ads would read, ” I am apt at screaming to get other people to stop screaming, jumping into everyone’s business to add my glorious insight and treating people like babies. Then I tried to be a therapist. Show me how to love!” In Al-Anon, I learned I am not a mess.… Read more »
The tools that help me overcome the challenges of growing up in a household of codependency is prayer, meetings, literature and writing. These are my “go-to” tools whenever I need to immediately work the program during difficult moments of confronting the “demons” from the past. I begin my day with prayer to keep me centered and focused on the spiritual process of recovery. I find that the ‘serenity’ prayer can do wonders at refreshing my perspective, and helps me turn my will over to my Highest Power’s care at a moment when I feel vulnerable or charged with painful feelings.
When I started attending Al-Anon several years ago, it was to “fix” my son’s drug problem. I then focused on trying to bring all the family together. I soon realized I had no control over what others did or how they felt. I learned it would take time and work. After I found a sponsor and started working the steps, I learned tools to begin finding some peace and let go of control. Although I was raised in an alcoholic home, I thought those days were over and didn’t effect me. I came to find out that’s where my sickness… Read more »
I was not exposed to Alcohol whilst growing up. Having experienced the effects of booze in my marriage and how this affected my home, family life with our children and the progression of the disease for 16 years of my marriage. This year I celebrate 34yrs of Al-Anon wisdom, having had the tools in The Serenity Prayer, Face to Face meetings, Access to speak to a Sponsor or close friend in the fellowship, attending Rallies and Conferences, getting involved in service, buying and reading Al-Anon literature, reading the slogans, sharing at meetings and various meetings, meeting new people and of… Read more »
I use Step 4, recognizing that my character defect of resentment is getting in the way of my ability to forgive and Let Go and Let God. However, I’m still working on recognizing when my character defect of resentment is controlling my thinking. I forget and find myself complaining, feeling anxious, and getting sick. When I am reminded that my resentments are getting in the way, I spend time in prayer and meditation. I often use the slogan, “Bless them, Change Me.” In summary, I use Step 4 to remember, and the slogans, prayer, and meditation as my Al-Anon tools… Read more »
This is a very nice topic and also so hard to choose! All tools help me a lot!! 🙂 Nevertheless, my go-to tool at the moment is using the Godbox to let go and let God. I realised that this is also one way of practicing the first three steps on a daily basis. I admit my powerlessness over a certain situation or thing or person, I know I need my Higher Power to restore me to sanity, And I decide to turn it over to Him. All my thoughts, feelings and actions in respect to this situation/thing/person. This takes… Read more »
The Slogans help me most when I interact with my Mom. QTIP. My mother says so many things that can easily trigger a response of pain or anger in me, and QTIP (Quit Taking It Personally) helps me to remember that she often has not thought about what she said and does not mean harm at that moment. “Live and Let Live” is a great slogan for helping me remember not to tell my mother what she Should do about the problems she has due to aging. It is not my job to nag her about changing eating or exercise… Read more »
I learned not to trust what I saw and heard growing up in an alcoholic home because of the total denial that alcoholism impacted everyone in the home; 6 children and 2 parents. In Al-Anon, I have learned to feel my feelings and allow them to pass before acting; this is a hug gift because I don’t react so quickly from a place of being numb. I have learned in Al – Anon to not be afraid to experience painful feelings because now I know that I can get through the feeling and I have Al Anon fellow for support… Read more »
Growing up in an alcoholic home I learned to be critical of myself, self-reliant, untrusting, hopeless and pessimistic. In Al-Anon, I learn to believe in myself, trust others, stop beating myself up, be grateful for everything, enjoy each moment, stop anticipating the worst and to ask for help when I need it. The tools I use are attending meetings regularly, being of service, reading Al-Anon literature, praying often, and working the steps with my sponsor. Especially the 4th Step! This is how the growth has occurred. I had to keep moving forward and not stand still or give up. It’s… Read more »
Sponsorship is one of the many Al-Anon tools that helps me deal with growing up with an alcoholic father and marrying an alcoholic who now has long time recovery in AA. For the past year my sponsor and I have been exchanging daily text messages where we share some of the things we are grateful for that day. Looking at the things that I’m grateful for is always so helpful to me and even more so when things are hard. When I had COVID it helped me to get over self pity when I was able to tell my sponsor… Read more »
Tradition 9 helps me. My young person focus Group in Portland, OR has created a tradition 9 young people focus service & events committee to help attract young people to continue their recovery after Alateen and those young people who have entered into Al-Anon, but we’re too old to join Alateen. Working in service with other young people to create Al-Anon event programming that speaks to our experience has been impactful and encourages our younger members to keep coming back and take ownership of their recovery.
Growing up in the family disease of alcoholism did emotional and spiritual harm to me into adulthood until I found the rooms of Al-Anon. At my first meeting I heard a member tell her story as an adult child. It was very sad and terrifying. Yet she had a beautiful soul and I was instantly attracted. I wanted what she had – joy and freedom. I kept coming back, found a sponsor to work the Steps. Al-Anon was the sober family I had not experienced as a child. Al-Anon members helped me overcome my loneliness and isolation. I had found… Read more »
I am not a child of an alcoholic but I was similarly affected by the alcoholism of my spouse so Al-Anon is surely for me! I am so grateful for all the tools of the program, especially meetings and my sponsor, but also for the Slogans and our extensive literature. Sharing with other members has been my salvation and the joy I have as I go about my days stems from years of listening and my participation in service to our wonderful fellowship
An Alateen of 16, in a monthly Alateen panel in my Al-Anon home group, introduced me to the Alateen literature. This was in the early 1990’s. He shared in the panel and with me after the meeting how he used the Alateen literature to deal with the alcoholism of his Mother and Father at his house. I grew up in alcoholism and readily identified with those teens. Especially helpful was his mentioning the Alateen Fourth Step Inventory booklet. Not only do you write, but you get to draw ! This young man also shared with me about using the topics… Read more »
Although my dad never drank until he was in his 60s, he had the traits of an alcoholic. I was raised with a domineering and angry dad and a submissive mom, who never utter a word. My father was the authority in our home and my mother was overly responsible. I felt very unimportant and invisible. I also felt guilty as it seemed that I never did anything correctly and my performances never met the goals that either my parents had set for me. When I first came to the program, the first tools I used were the slogan in… Read more »
Detachment with love and acceptance come to mind when I think of Al-Anon tools that have helped me overcome challenges of growing up in alcoholic home. First the acceptance that my mother did the best she knew how while raising me. Second, that even though I can accept that now, I do not have to continue a relationship with her if it continues to cause me pain. Although I have changed so much in the program, she has not changed at all. So, I can forgive her and love her but I am allowed and encouraged to take care of… Read more »
Sponsorship is probably the tool that’s helped me overcome my childhood challenges the most. My social development was largely neglected. I was isolated from children my own age during the years we typically develop curiosity about others and basic social skills. When I came to Al-Anon I didn’t know how to make friends or have healthy friendships. I was very passive when it came to forming new relationships. The process of finding a sponsor taught me how to take my time to think about what I want and need in an intimate relationship. I learned how to take the time… Read more »