Concept Four
Participation is the key to harmony.
Please share your experience, strength, and hope as it relates to Concept 4. The opinions expressed here are strictly those of the person who gave them. Take what you liked and leave the rest. Member sharing on the Member Blog may be used in future Al‑Anon publications.
Recently, through my HP’s care the nudge of understanding Concept Four came with “Meme, I got this.” I had not been invited. I was not asked to help or smooth out the very uncomfortable situation erupting in my kitchen by two others, one being a parent and the other a young, tearful, and angry grandson. I am so grateful for the nudge and the discomfort rather than my life becoming unmanageable. I am so grateful my relationship with those I love was not harmed. “Participation is the key to harmony” when asked to participate.
I have to stop expecting others to step up and participate. It’s hard though when I see over 100 people in meetings and it’s the same few hosting regularly! Thank god for them !!! I want others to help desperately but I’m powerless over others’ actions, or lack of actions. But I do not have a choice for myself when it comes to serving. I have to serve to continue getting my daily reprieve, my daily medicine. Just for today, I get better. Working with others makes it so much more manageable though. Having a team is where it’s at.… Read more »
Participation goes both ways. It doesn’t mean that I always have to take control or lead the discussion. I can participate by listening. When I remind myself to rely on Concept Four, it can and does lead to harmony.
Participation is the key to harmony? I scoffed at this notion early in my recovery. Nobody wanted ME to participate in anything and there was no way I would set myself up for failure, ridicule, and demoralization by doing so. This attitude was a direct result of growing up and being the target in an alcoholic abusive home. I was bullied relentlessly at home and at school, and I had learned that my participation in anything (including life) was not needed or necessary to keep the world going round. I was better off ignored and being part of the background,… Read more »
Participation is the key to harmony. Al-Anon has taught me that participation can come in many forms. When I first joined in December of 2022, I was instantly in awe of how many people were in these meetings. I am not able to attend in person meetings due to my location and schedule, so I have been using the app. My first meeting was the day after Christmas, late at night. I could not believe that 167 people were logged on to this meeting. I cried tears of joy and of sadness. I was not alone, but there were so… Read more »
Growing up I was not allowed to participate. My every move was controlled and dictated by my mother, whose every move was controlled and dictated by my alcoholic father. In my adult years I promised myself that I would never allow anyone to do that to me again. Silly me. Not only did I allow others to control me but I did my very best to control others! The program has taught me that I don’t have the right to hurt others just because others have hurt me. I must remind myself that I have the right to participate but… Read more »
Participation invites me to join with others in an activity or an event allowing each participant to do their part. Nobody should have the exclusivity, not more that anybody should be excluded. If I participate, whatever I express should be considered fairly and I must offer the same privilege to others who, like me, want to express their ideas. At all time I must keep an open mind and respect the principles brought forward in our fellowship “Agree to disagree” and “Presume good will”. Criticism, judgement and supposition should not be part of the equation. I have worked hard to… Read more »
I love Concept 4: Participation is the key to harmony. Only a few years into the program, I was elected GR. At a district meeting our group volunteered to host the next meeting. The DR assigned us a 1 hour workshop on the Concepts. I panicked. All I knew about was the brief, cartoon foldout about the Concepts. I found the longer information in the Service Manual years later. The workshop was successful due to participation by many group members. Now Al-Anon has many writings on Concepts, but I learn something new each year as in April we study this… Read more »
This is my favorite concept it takes my recovery to a whole new level of positive participation. Today it’s not all about simply how I think, but it’s also about being in harmony with the the solutions to our common problems, which I believe is the key to my recovery. So when I stay isolated in my thinking nothing changes, but attending meetings, reading conference approved literature (CAL), talking and listening to others share I can get out of my [head] and my life got better. Concept 4 is definitely true for me. “participation is the key to harmony” when… Read more »
This Concept offers a vision of understanding and equality and invites to collaboration. Participation tells me that each one of us should do our part, that nobody has the exclusivity and nobody is excluded. This reminds me that we are all equal. If I participate, whatever I express should be considered and I must offer the other participants the same privilege. I don’t always do it easily, specially when my pride gets in the way. Humility has to be upfront. I still have to work at it every time that I am to participate in a decision, be it in… Read more »
This is my favorite Concept! In the Concept pamphlet (P-57), the illustration for Concept 4 shows people creating harmony, by each participating with a musical instrument. This image has a lot of meaning for me. If I am part of a small committee, perhaps we create harmony similar to a string quartet. If I am part of a larger service function, we may be more analogous to a full orchestra, or perhaps a marching band. Occasionally one member will have a brief solo, yet most of the time, numerous people serve together “in concert”. This is a stark contrast to my life… Read more »
Participation is the key to harmony. Two words come to mind: surviving and thriving. Before coming into Al-Anon my life was all about trial by fire. I went through life surviving what was happening all around me. I just kept on doing and doing and doing. Putting fires out or placing band-aids on any particular situation. Sometimes, I was living my life by the “seat of my pants.” Fast forward to today with many years of Al-Anon under my belt, my life is so much different and better. Though, this did not happen overnight. It took many meetings, readings of… Read more »
Before Al-Anon in any activity I was involved in, I always felt there were demands on the quality of my participation. In my work I was constantly judged on my performance, and sometimes my participation was not welcomed. In Al-Anon I feel invited to participate on any level at which I feel comfortable, whether it is sharing at meetings, chairing a meeting, or participating in service. The quality of my participation does not matter. I feel appreciated for whatever I can give. For me this Concept is closely tied to Tradition One, which states: “Our common welfare should come first;… Read more »
“Participation is the key to harmony” is a life concept and a vision that evokes a sense of harmony, equality and collaboration. Participation tells us that everyone of us could and should share. Did I fully understood it , when I first came to the program? Absolutely not! To understand that nobody has exclusivity, not more that anybody is excluded, that everybody is equal and can be involved, was not part of what I believed in and had experienced before. The idea that what I expressed must be treated fairly and with respect went well, but that I had to… Read more »
“Participation is the key to harmony,” I have grown in my program from being more active in my service. I’ve gained confidence and an inner peace from being willing to step out and moderate a meeting or do one of the readings, or be available as a new comer greeter after the meeting. I have the example of those before me and have experienced that a meeting runs more harmoniously when members participate and share the service and their stories.