Welcome to First Steps to Al-Anon Recovery. This is a series of podcasts to discuss some common concerns for people who have been affected by someone else’s drinking.
Today Hannah, Catherine, Jerry, and Veronica will tell us how someone’s drinking affected their ability to trust people.
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My wife is an alcoholic and I have done everything I can to help her. It has become a loveless marriage and I feel like a victim. We are extremely wealthy people and successful in our field of work. I really thought this fact is important to share, since many believe the wealthy have no problems. And that alcoholism is not damaging to everyone of all socioeconomic status. We are of course headed for divorce which will be good for me so I can live in a normal happy relationship. Please pray for all who suffer from alcohol and the… Read more »
I have been married to an alcoholic for 5 years. I didn’t know that’s what was the problem until 3 years ago. We both drank at home so I assumed because of his limited experience with alcohol growing up that he just didn’t know how to limit himself. Then I noticed the stumbling in every other night. The slurring of words. The stench. The angry outburst and irrational conversations. The empty bottles all around the house (what is that about?). The lies. He was supposed to go to rehab but literally got hit by a car on his way to… Read more »
I have been married for 35 years. For the last 7 my husband has been drinking heavily. Within the last 5 he became verbally aggressive and abusive. At first I would ask him if he was drinking and he would tell me no, even though his eyes would be bloodshot he would smell like alcohol and he would be stumbling around. Around this time he would wake me up at night yelling at me about people and things that would make him mad or that he perceived had done him wrong. This would happen once or twice a month for… Read more »
I have been married for almost 28 years next month. My husband has drank for about 15 years of our marriage. He went to AA in 2005 and quit drinking. In 2017 found out he started back drinking and he had cirrhosis of liver but he has continued to drink. He now is stealing from my wallet and lying about drinking. His doctors have told him to quit drinking. I’m tired of the lies but he will have be the one to change himself. I have decided for my well being i have to make a better life for me.… Read more »
Thank you for sharing your comments. It has helped me to not feel so alone, knowing there are others in the same painful place. I dated an alcoholic on and off for 10 years, hoping he would someday choose to become sober. I now see there is no hope for him. It is sad, it is his choice. I will not have any further contact with him. How do you know when an addict is lying? Their lips are moving. The most pain comes from what I allowed to happen to me. The lies, the cruelty has taken a toll… Read more »
My husband has been an alcoholic for four years. He can drink a bottle of 80 proof liquor in 4 hours and function like one would if they had a shot. He and I are walking on eggshells. I snap for no reason, screaming and in tears over a passive aggressive comment, he completely ignores me (literally, he’ll put on headphones and grumble about how I’ve ruined his night), or he completely blows up and bullies me into silence. I’ve already tried giving him ultimatums (and yes, I know that’s a horrible, horrible thing to do but I was desperate),… Read more »
Hi. My husband has almost 11 months sobriety. I thought that life would be so different since he stopped drinking but I was wrong. Financially he is still struggling and that may have gotten worse. I started going to Al-Anon and have discovered the word NO. The problem is that I don’t know what that means sometimes. In the past if he has ran out of money I have gotten him gas for his car. I don’t want to do that anymore but I feel so stressed having to say no but when I give in I then hate him.
I was married to my best friend. She is an alcoholic/addict. She has abused my trust more times than I can count in our 16 year relationship. Sneaking, hiding and lying is what she is best at. She swears she’s never used any street drugs, but how the heck do I know what she has and hasn’t done. The newest thing is strange phone numbers on her cell phone. She’s constantly texting. Of course when I’m around, the ringer gets turned off, so I can’t see when she’s getting texted or called. She’s great at covering her tracks. I’m worried… Read more »
My husband and I will be married for 11 years next month. We have battled his alcoholism for about 9 years. He goes to occasional meetings and talks occasionally to his sponsor. He suffers from depression and then tends to isolate and relapse. I’ve been trying to see my part in the enabling and have detached more and more with love. The problem is that now the detachment is reaching the loneliness area. I’m getting back to my more independent and active self that I was before we were married, but I’m finding that in the process I trust him… Read more »
Married 15 years. I love my husband but wonder why I am still married. He overconsumes/binge drinks and is mean. I end up searching the house for bottles and wonder why I am still doing this. Is it really love? And I going to be eighty doing the same thing. It is just a dirty secret I keep to myself.
I have a 19 year old son who is a addict. He loves alcohol marijuana and cocaine. He went to rehab for 70 days spent 3 weeks in jail and he still cannot be trusted. When he is home I find myself trying to keep him on track to do the right thing it makes me crazy. My husband and I have been in alanon for over a year. I know our son has to want sobriety for himself to get better. I believe he may end up homeless because we are not willing to go broke enableing him. We… Read more »
It’s quite difficult for me to trust my alcoholic, especially with matters involving her addiction, such as when she’ll finally kick her deadbeat ex husband out of our house. Her first reaction to anything pertaining to her, even over whether it’s raining or not, is immediately met with vehement denial. The hypocrisy is tiresome as well; one day she’ll be raging about our micromanaging boss and how she hates him, but the next, when I vent about the same, I’m told I’m “letting him win” and wasting my energy. If I so much as breathe a word about her drinking,… Read more »
I was looking for an Al-Anon meeting, but instead I found these posts. I have to say, I am a tiny ok knowing that what I have been through, others have too. I am not alone. I’ve been married to the love of my life for 2 and a-half years now. He is a cocaine addict. When we first met, at parties he would be smoking pot, drinking, and sometimes inhaling cocaine. I only saw him doing this at parties. Now, we are married, we have responsibilities, like: rent, groceries, bills, our dog’s needs, paying for school, etc. I just… Read more »
I have been sober for 6 years. My husband still throws in my face what he went through. I have made amends to him many times. He won’t let it go. It makes me feel like an unloveable horror. I wonder how many years do I have to get humble before we can move on and love life.
My husband suddenly proclaimed he’s quitting drinking. I was surprised at how uncomfortable I am with him around, wanting to talk and do things. I feel a panic and realized that I’ve actually learned to live without him. But it’s not a peaceful feeling. It’s a constant mourning. I’ve been to a few meetings and this has encouraged me to go back. Thank you.
I have been with my husband for almost 6 years, married for 4 months. He is an addict in every sense of the word. He had a pill addiction before I met him and was on a program for that, which turned out to be very successful. He has not touched a pill in our entire relationship, but we have dealt with alcohol on and off for the past 4 years. He would quit completely and only drink socially until he started working as a car salesman, and that’s where it got really bad. He would stop and buy a… Read more »
I feel sad when I read through these posts, because I struggle with the same trust issues and when I read others’ posts it seems so simple — the addict lies, and we let them. One year ago this Friday is my first anniversary. This time last year, I had never been so in love. I thought we both were. He asked me to marry him almost right away. He was brave, strong, valued family and friendship. He didn’t seem to hide anything from me about his past, feelings, or intentions. We even shared a Facebook and had one password… Read more »
My husband is an alcoholic and has been since he was a teenager. Poor teenage choices, cultivated by a child-enmeshed parent, and so now he has no idea how to recognize or deal with what is going on inside of him — let alone what is happening in his home with his wife. I love him dearly, but it’s a double-edged sword. Without trust, it’s been so difficult. Sneaking away to be with friends, lying of course and then painting a chip-free portrait to his coworkers who might be none the wiser as to his real life problems. I do… Read more »
I love my husband dearly and I am so in love with him. We’ve only been married a short 7 months and he has been sober for many years. Last year he thought he could handle a drink and become a social drinker, but one year later, after many empty promises, I find him hiding empty beer cans. I am distraught and feel a fool for trusting him. We’ve talked about his drinking from time to time, as I thought it was getting out of control, but I clearly was not aware of just how bad it is. I find… Read more »
I’ve been dating my boyfriend for close to two years now. At first, we used to have fun together. Then I realized he didn’t know when to stop. I was shocked and so confused on what was happening. I finally realized he was an alcoholic. It was a big wake-up call for me. I realized it at first when I would be out of town away from work. All I wanted was to talk to my partner that I love after a long trip out of town. Instead, I would get someone that I would eventually end up hating to… Read more »