When I first walked into Al‑Anon, I couldn’t speak. I only cried. My life was unmanageable. What I was doing wasn’t working, and I was in complete denial. I was yelling, crying and pouring liquor down the drain. I was angry and desperate, and I experienced turbulent mood swings. Coming to Al‑Anon was a desperate cry for help. Living with an active, chronic alcoholic husband for over 15 years had left me emotionally and mentally beaten. Here in Al‑Anon, though, I learned how to take care of myself. I no longer dislike myself, nor do I live in a sea of despair. My recovery has been a gradual one of awareness, acceptance and change. I’ve learned to expect ups and downs and that it can take years of humility and learning.
I’ve recently decided to invest in a new future and reclaim my life. I’ll plant the seeds of new hopes and dreams. My garden of new hopes and dreams will not be decided by my marital status. Instead, I dream of being more in touch with my family. My goal is to not wallow in self-pity, but to appreciate everything and everyone that I have in my life. I now realize that I do have strengths and weaknesses, just like everyone else and that I can ask for help if I need to. Finally, I can accept things as they are without trying to recapture the way they used to be.
By Nicole S., Manitoba
I am so glad my former wife found this group. I am a functional alcoholic and currently working the AA program. What I noticed is she went from being a cruel, bitter and angry spouse to being at peace and completely detached from me and my disease. I want her to be happy and even when she booted me onto the street after I supported her for 32 years, I think she made the right choice. Life is too short and trying to fix a diseased mentally ill person person is not what marriage vows are meant for when it… Read more »
After six years together (only married two), I asked my husband not to live with me and my two children. He had come home so many times drunk, lied so many times, promised so many times it would not happen again. He’s functional, though he did have work repercussions and a DUI. I couldn’t take it anymore. Of course I had told him I didn’t want a husband who came home drunk. Of course I told him and he didn’t listen. I never gave an ultimatum because I thought if I did he would surely rebel and be gone. I… Read more »
Hello to all… I found this forum some months back on one particularly bad night and it has helped me- immensely. While misery may love company, I would not wish this type of emotional trauma (and gut-wrenching pain) on anyone. My husband loves his drinking buddies- and has a million of them. What he likes to do is go out with them, get hammered, and then come home to tell me how worthless I am. He will come home at 2 in the morning on a Wednesday and wake me up to yell at me- to tell me how he… Read more »
In October, my husband went to the ER for severe vomiting which he thought was either food poisoning or pancreatitis. I thought he was pretty crazy because men get that way when they are sick. Also, he had been an alcoholic for years and it had wreaked havoc on his digestive system so I guess I was a bit hardened to his plight. Anyway, they checked him in and after a couple days if detox, he was placed in ICU and intubated. Indeed he had pancreatitis. I’d never heard of it before. It’s an awful disease. He was soon transferred… Read more »
My husband’s drinking has just recently become out of control, to which he admits. He was once a loving, gentle and kind soul, and now he is consistently angry at me and lashing out. He has completely closed himself off emotionally. At night he will start drinking by himself in another room until he passes out, while I spend time alone. He takes the kids to sporting events and everyone says what a great father he is, but he gets in the car afterward and drives them home while intoxicated. We went away for a trip last week, and I… Read more »
I have often wondered why good girls fall for bad boys. Now that I find myself in this situation I still wonder what made me fall for him. I will say that when he is sober he is a very kind, gentle, and God fearing person. But all of that changes when he drinks. It’s like he’s possessed. He becomes hurtful, hateful and abusive-physically and emotionally. He cries the next day when he sees the damage he’s done. His family will only say that he is just having a good ol’ time and that it is a problem for me… Read more »
I went to 4 Al-Anon meetings. I’m talking with a weight counselor and exercising again. Reading the literature and meditating before sleep at night. My functioning alcoholic husband of 34 years is thrilled I’m not on his case about drinking and is for the millionth time..”cutting back” on his drinking but has added pot smoking to his addiction. Refuses to stop, denies he’s an alcoholic, turns all our problems around to being my fault. SO tonight I walked in to my meeting place went to the bathroom and walked out again. I’m feeling so defeated and tired of always being… Read more »
Now I see! Thank-you, all. I just want to stop crying and feeling so angry. I miss life and having a partner to share it with. My husband was an alcoholic, then quit until he was diagnosed with esophageal cancer, then he became addicted to hydra-morphine, then his family decided once he was weened off the pain killers that he should have marijuana products, so now a whole new party. I get the brunt of his hate. He beat the cancer, but now has severe glaucoma. So no job and gets to stay at home, yeah. I told him to… Read more »
The significant men in my life, starting with my father, were all veterans of war. Both my father and now my boyfriend, sustained life long injuries resulting in debilitating daily pain. Both men chose to self medicate with alcohol. Both were able to maintain a fairly high level of competence in their professional lives. Alcohol consumption was a scheduled event until they reached retirement. Once retired the drinking became central. There was no need to schedule drinking, drinking became the main focus. My father was a mean and verbally abusive drinker. I never confronted him about his alcohol abuse because… Read more »
I have been married 17 years. The madness of living with someone who has this cunning, baffling, and powerful disease runs deep. I had not realized how profoundly me and my kids were affected by my husband‘s illness. He recently screamed divorce at me again about three months ago but I have been going to Al-Anon for four months. This time I heard what he said and believed him. That does not mean the path ahead of me will be easy. In fact I expect an uphill battle as I attempt to brave the waters of becoming a single mom.… Read more »
I just recently divorced my husband who is an alcoholic. I have never dealt with alcoholism or alcoholism to this extreme ever in my life. I am financially in bad shape from it as well. I am mentally worn out. He wants to reconcile and tells me he will die without me. He says he cannot stay sober without me. He had tried to be sober but relapses I had enough of verbal abuse and being constantly embarrassed by his being drunk and passing out at family functions or driving my car while drinking. I still love him but cannot… Read more »
I am now divorced from my alcoholic ex husband. He suffers depression and self treats with beer and marijuana. I tolerated it for years because I felt like I had to. As the years went on he emotionally and verbally abused me and it only worsened with each passing year. The end came when I demanded to know what he was spending $800 a month on. He of course told me it was none of my business and said he wanted a divorce. I didn’t need to be told twice. I filed for divorce in November of 2015 and my… Read more »
Hi, I am new here. My husband has been in AA for 4 years but has relapsed on marijuana and is back in the program for that. I have felt alone the past 1.5 years and have isolated myself from my friends and family because I’m embarrassed, ashamed and sad all the time. I don’t want to leave because I love my husband. He has been extremely emotionally abusive and everything I say or do is wrong in his eyes. I am starting to doubt myself and feel like it is my fault. I am at a crossroad and don’t… Read more »
I have a wife that I love and is an admitted alcoholic. I have recently discovered that she and a study partner (she is back in college at 38) were exchanging texts and FB messages while drunk and high, claiming they were in love with each other. I have known my wife is an alcoholic for several years. She blacks out and you don’t know what will happen. I know she only “emotionally” cheated when she was drunk and when she was sober she apologized and always apologizes after a night of drinking and acting wild and embarrassing. I am… Read more »
I’ve been married 33 years and of those 33 years I thought I was dealing with a husband who had severe PTSD from being in Viet Nam. However in 2015 he went off on me verbally for 3 straight days. Always when he goes off on me he’s been drinking and he always threatens me with divorce. Something inside of me broke and I just couldn’t get the same love, hope and trust going again. I started going to a counselor that also treated PTSD patients, both active duty, retired military and their families. After about the fourth session and… Read more »
I have been living and married to my wife for almost 7 years. Early on it was random or not as often with the drinking and abuse mentally, emotionally, and physically. But now it’s whenever she drinks which is everyday when she gets home from work and starts about 10am-11am every weekend day. I am worried for her health, our future, and my safety. She is the greatest person in the world and I love her to death and I don’t want to ever stop trying to help her or be with her but her drinking is ruining our lives.… Read more »
My alcoholic husband is functioning and goes on binges. Over our 34 year old marriage he’s had many types of drug abuse. I can’t begin to tell you the unhappy life I’ve lived with him. I have always tried to “HELP” him. We have had a very volatile relationship. We have never been emotionally connected. I will own the part I played in it. Unfortunately my husband just won’t. It’s everybody else’s fault. He’s gone out on me, he’s told everyone in his family and my family off. But he doesn’t know why nobody likes him. I finally told him… Read more »
Wow. Piece many of the stories together and that has been my life for the last 7 years. I to have to deal with the impact of what an addict has done to our family. We have an 8 year old and the majority of the life she remembers is a mother who is a total wreck and a dad who is in a constant state of distress trying to keep it all together. Our little one has actually seen her mom arrested a few times. Picked her up drunk at school, drank while she was in the car, all… Read more »
After 16 years of living with someone who drinks…I feel my life is a tornado. My hustand has had 2 DUI’s and swore the last one he would never drink again. I bought it because I really hoped he meant it. But I feel that my life will NEVER change and as I get older I am so alone. I just want to fall off the face of the earth. It would be 2 days before he realized I was gone.
My husband is an alcoholic. He drinks heavily everyday and call me out my name and threaten to kill me and my child. He locks me out our bedroom and drags me off the couch so I have to sleep on the floor. I’m afraid to fall asleep as I don’t know what he will do to me in my sleep. When I go to work he doesn’t cook or clean the house or take showers for days. I am so depressed!! I wish I was dead. I left him many times but each time he will stop for awhile… Read more »