I Awakened to My Own Life

I always felt that I was a loving person, but I often lived life by reacting, instead of responding.

I wondered why I could not change the alcoholic, so I tried harder. I made sure that the house was clean and that the meals were good and on time. I made sure to look my best when we went out together. I became obsessed with trying to meet the needs of others. For a few years, I felt needed and appreciated, but I lost someone along the way—myself.

The Al‑Anon program became my journey of discovery. A friend once asked me what I liked to do. Every time I thought of something, I realized that my spouse liked to do it, and I had learned to like it. I began to wonder who I really was and what made me happy. I began to wonder if I could find that happy person that was once a part of me. I started by performing my daily tasks for my own pleasure. For example, I would clean my house because I liked it clean, not because I wanted someone else to notice. I cooked a meal because I wanted to enjoy it. I went to work because I liked doing what I did. I awakened to my own life and today, I accept that I am magnificent just because I am here.

By Rosemarie B., Alberta

The Forum, June 2018

2018-05-30T09:36:09+00:00May 30, 2018|Categories: Alcoholic Spouse or Partner, The Forum|

3 Comments

  1. Dana September 2018 at 4:59 pm

    Thank you so much for reminding me. Reminding me I did Enjoy life. I enjoyed watching movies with others, conversations, exchanging ideas and debating. Learning And listening. But all I get now is violence, Fear And the next day is still all about the other person. Somehow it is always my fault. Somehow I am always lacking. And the enjoyment I used to have I don’t even remember anymore. Thank you so much For reminding me It is still out there. But is up to me isn’t it? And if I take it I’m the bad guy/gal. This is so hard. You love this person so much and they say they love you, but it’s never about me is it?
    Thank you for allowing me to vent. I hope that I can find a meeting and a sponsor close to me. And I know I will , I just have to stop being afraid.

  2. Martha August 2018 at 12:17 pm

    Thank you for sharing❤️

  3. Deb June 2018 at 5:36 pm

    I want to find the fun things that used to bring me enjoyment. I have been struggling for a long time. I was a child of an alcoholic father and a alcoholic non existent mother. It wasn’t until the last week that I realized just how much that has affected my life. I thought once I left home that I didn’t have to deal with the alcoholism anymore. But it has affected me more than I want to admit but admit I must to find healing. Now it’s time to get to work. It’s time to find the new “me”. Thank you Al-Anon and members.

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