Changing life-long habits—learning to trust

I grew up in a dysfunctional family environment. I was taught to think for myself and solve my own problems—or my parents would solve them for me, especially if my thinking wasn’t in line with theirs. I was taught that family problems were to stay in the family: “outsiders” had no need to know our business.

Thus, I was isolated from others. It did not take long for me to become isolated from my own family members as well, especially my stepfather, who was very abusive to all of us.

I found it was difficult to trust anyone other than myself, since I had learned not to trust my parents or siblings. I just didn’t want to be hurt anymore by anyone.

When I began to attend Al-Anon meetings, it was hard to trust my home group, my Sponsor, or my Higher Power. After all, I was supposed to be self-reliant. But that had gotten me to where I was and, as I later learned, it was the root of all of my problems.

I found that I would have to trust in someone or something if I were to have any hope of getting better physically, emotionally, or spiritually.

With time, I began to trust in my home group as a Power greater than myself that could provide me with some sanity. When it was suggested that I get a Sponsor, I had to take a giant leap of faith to trust someone else enough to ask him to be my Sponsor. Sometimes I had to pretend to trust until I actually did.

My Sponsor suggested I do the Steps with him. With some trepidation, I slowly began to trust him, and I made an honest effort to do the Steps with him. I believed him when he said that Al-Anon and the Steps would not work for me if I were not entirely honest with him, my Higher Power, and myself.

Soon I came to trust that my Higher Power would know what was best for me. My faith in God sustains me, and I trust that following His will leads me to inner peace and happiness. I get a little better each day, so long as I surrender my will.

Today I am not isolated, because I belong to my new family of Al-Anon friends and others whom I have grown to trust and love. I have extended periods of inner peace and happiness so long as I keep “self” out of the way. This is not to say that everyday is easy or without trials, but my Higher Power does not give me anything I can’t handle “One Day at a Time.”

People, places, and things come and go, but my God never leaves me. Today I would not trade my life for any other, thanks to the tools I’ve received from Al-Anon.

By Larry M., Florida
The Forum, November 2008

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