Welcome to “First Steps to Al-Anon Recovery” from Al-Anon Family Groups. This podcast will discuss a professional’s concern for families who have been affected by a loved one’s drinking.
Christine McKaskle is Clinical Coordinator of the Youth Program at Cumberland Heights Alcohol and Drug Treatment Center in Nashville, Tennessee. She has written an article in “Al-Anon Faces Alcoholism 2009,” entitled, “From ‘Family Week’ to family recovery.”
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Alcoholic son calling 30 times a day says he is going to treatment Monday wants money for laundry and food threatening to come to my place he is not allowed on property I am torn should I call police or give him money trusting him he is going to treatment.
My wife and I have been married for 27 years and have two teenage boys, the oldest has cerebral palsy. My wife has been a drinker since I met her in her teen years. About 8 years ago at my urging she signed herself into a local hospital in an effort to “dry out”. After several relapses she is now sober for nearly 4 years. I am proud of her and I certainly believed then that the relationship I had always wanted with her would now be within reach. How wrong I was! Outside of her job, she devotes her… Read more »
It’s 4:30 AM. It is yet another night I cannot sleep. I am sick over my “dry alcoholic” ex fiance who broke off this relationship last week over what seemed to be nothing. He would pick fights when there weren’t any, he would hold grudges, and when he got angry, his anger would escalate to the point of blowing up, as if I had just cheated on him with 5 of his friends right in front of him. This is the type of anger I’d have to endure over the most unimportant things. So, after many months of attempting different… Read more »
I too am married to a now recovering alcohlic. I am so afraid that all of the years of abuse of alcohol have killed my feelings for him. Now that he’s sober, I just don’t know if I can get over it. It was hell for many years–10 of 16 years, at least. DFACS called to my house twice. No DUI, he had those before we married. He did drink .36 and higher with my daughter in the car, just before he quit. I have so much resentment and have even started to notice other men, and think that I… Read more »
I’m writing here because I don’t know where to even start. I’m 23 years old, still live at home with my parents because I’m a medicated, slowly recovering, schizophrenic. My father has been a functional alcoholic for quite a few years now. He never missed work or seemed to have any other problems other than passing out from drinking too much and being an embarrassment. It’s steadily getting worse. He started spending most of the family income on liquor, using credit cards and money my parents don’t have, borrowing money from me for “groceries,” started hiding it more, finding excuses… Read more »
I just found this site today. I too am with a functional alcoholic. He won’t admit it of course because it also has not not affected his work. He’s going for his Masters Degree and gets all A’s on papers he writes while sitting in front of the computer with a glass of alcohol. He supposedly sees a counselor, but I don’t think he has told her he has a drinking problem. Like everyone has said, I’m done. I’m just afraid of the aftermath. When we divorce, and I know it’s just a matter of time for me to tell… Read more »
I am 29, going to school full time, have 3 kids and an addict for a husband, who is now in a therapeutic community–also known as rehab, just a lot longer. We have been together about 15 years–that would be since I was 14 years old. We have done everything together in life, including getting high and drunk together. Only difference is I stopped and he did not, and in fact continued to use drugs that are very bad and addicting. He is very emotionally abusive and has in the past been physically abusive as well. I love him dearly… Read more »
It has been comforting to me to read all of your posts. At this point in time I am typing this from my car while we are on vacation, because I am just trying to make sense of all of this. My husband of almost 5 years is an alcoholic. He is what is called a functional alcoholic who didn’t have a problem because he never missed work or failed on his responsibilities. That was of course until he got his second DUI on Monday, the night of my birthday. The sad thing is that I have been in such… Read more »
I really don’t know where to begin. I can say that I was raised with 2 great parents and had a pretty good childhood. My husband is an addict, and then recovery and addiction–just so many cycles. I just know that I am tired. I’ve been with him for 9 years and dealing with his addiction for about 4 years on and off. My life before him wasn’t bad. I always had money and paid my bills, and always had a job. Now I spend most of my time worrying is he coming home, or I’m expecting a phone call.… Read more »
Thank you everyone for your postings, for your heartfelt sharing of what it is like living with an alcoholic or drug addict in the thick of addiction. That is your experience, and sharing your experience is an important part of the Al-Anon program. I came to Al-Anon a while back . . . my dearly loved alcoholic qualifier was finally in a treatment program . . . after 25 years of ever-increasing alcoholic drinking, binging, verbal abuse. Just before my alcoholic sought treatment, the disease accelerated into raging physical abuse. My alcoholic started out as loving, funny and kind, the… Read more »
It saddens me to be looking for help online once again. But it is also a sigh of relief to see that I am not alone. I feel angry and sad. I used to have a great life before I got together with my now husband. We are great together but he is an alcoholic. And he and everyone knows it. I have spent all of our 6 years together (2 married) trying to get him to seek help. Nothing seems to work. Not even the birth of our daugher 12 weeks ago. He is sick, selfish and all about… Read more »
Today I sit in a hotel room, miles from my home town, with my three young children. Monday marked the 3rd time in 12 months that my husband surfaced from a weeklong drug binge, this one landing him in the hopital. I have read many of your posts and I am relating to those in which I have been an enabler. I have tried to control the situation, tried to cure it, sympathized with my husband when he finally had clarity and remorse, and welcomed him back home. Each time he relapsed, I thought he had finally hit rock bottom;… Read more »
I can relate to most of this. My parents were alcoholics, and our family. I drank in my younger years for the dancing and fun. But usually just Friday, maybe Saturday. My husband is a drunk. I hear what someone was saying, “Step over the body”. I detach myself from my husband when he is drinking. I’ve called the cops, and I’ve let the people in our building call the cops. Now he is their problem. His family used to be possesive, so I sent him there when he was drunk. I’ve taken him to restaurants when we were out… Read more »
A counselor first suggested that I attend Al-Anon. I really didn’t get it, and I even said something along the lines of: “HE’S got the problem! Why do I need to go to meetings?” I was angry and resentful and I just couldn’t get the focus off of HIM….if only he’d do this, if only he wouldn’t do that, if only he’d behave–on and on I railed. I am so very grateful that the counselor persisted. Finally, after admitting that I’d literally tried everything else, I gave in and went to an Al-Anon meeting. I had in my mind that… Read more »
I married a heroin addict when I was 18 yrs old. Although my violent alcoholic died when I was 20 yrs old, I didn’t know I WAS SICK ALSO. I was part of the family disease of alcoholism. After 40 yrs of living since that decision, I have learned many things in Al-Anon: 1. I couldn’t cure; nor did I cause, nor could I conrol my father, my addicted brother (who died at 46 yrs), or my two addicted husbands. 2. I learned to emotionally detach from the husbands/father/brother/etc. 3. I have the right to my own life and happiness… Read more »
I have been with an active alcoholic for a year and as your stories go, mine is the same–the tries–the frustration–the crying–the hurts–the pains. My boy friend has been gone today on a 25-day drunk, and yes the financial burdens are great. The pain is great, but what I have found is you still love them even if you leave them. I have isolated myself, cried, screamed, changed my cell phone number and house number. He’s suicidal and calls me to tell me what he is gonna do. I shut my phones off and answering machine way down, but he… Read more »
Wow, do I feel everybody’s pain! My dad died over 3 years ago. He told me at 11 years old that he would die from drinking. It was a decision he made that he was miserable & in so much pain that he was ready 2 go. I’m 27 now & I’m married 2 an addict. It’s all starting over. I can’t help! I can’t make the pain stop & I don’t know how 2 help! I’m so scared, not only 4 myself but 4 my 2-year-old son. I don’t want him 2 go thru what I went thru! I… Read more »
I am a recovering codependent. My boyfriend is a recovering alcoholic and gambler.
I remember as long ago I implored my boyfriend’s brother: please, don’t send him money. Don’t support his illnesses. His comment was: if I don’t send money he will become homeless!
Since we stopped supporting him with money he is recovering.
I don’t say it worked quickly, and what I felt was a nightmare. I was extremely scared. I sweat and I trembled.
The solution was in God’s hands and the support of Al-Anon. Thanks to them!
My son is an alcoholic and drug addict. We have paid for many treatment programs for him. I am a recovering alcoholic but powerless over my son’s situatuon. He called today. He is homeless and needs money for a hotel.
I just read Patty’s comments and I began to cry. It is a mirror of my own life with the exception that I am not retirement age, under 40, and I have no children. I have been with a man for 8 years who has a serious drinking problem and I have endured verbal abuse and threats of physical for 4 of those 8 years. I did not realize how deep the problem was until we moved in together. Now I see it day in and day out. Even when he’s sober he is obsessing about drinking, or any little… Read more »