Welcome to First Steps to Al-Anon Recovery. This is a series of podcasts to discuss some common concerns for people who have been affected by someone else’s drinking.
Today we’re going to ask Al-Anon members if they ever thought the drinking would stop if the drinker really loved them.
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He yells at me for no reason sometimes yet good to me on days he is not drinking as much.
My father was a heavy drinker, alcohol blocked out his traumatic childhood. My partner of three years uses alcohol to block out trauma of childhood and previous career. My now ex-partner told me he will not stop drinking to improve the relationship. Whenever he got drunk he said hurtful things, became erratic and began shouting racist things, which people could here, he did this in my flat. I became frightened. The drinking affected his mental health over the three years we were together, he’d been drinking since 14, abandoned by his alcoholic mother. Eventually, he lost all control of his… Read more »
My last boyfriend was an alcoholic. We were together 2 years. I thought love could save him. I thought if he loved me enough he would want to stop and have a future with me. He was in and out of rehab. And I stayed. He never stopped. He passed away in January 2022 because his liver was not functioning. I’m still wondering did he not love me enough to stop.
My partner and I met probably around 8 months ago at a bar where I was first visiting… I didn’t to go to the bar because I was a regular. He was apparently a regular. I was brand new to a city, we spent the next couple of months going around the city from party to party seeing his friends. I became more and more resentful as the activities were filled with booze, alcohol and drugs. Just recently, my boyfriend has managed to let me know he is ready to quit. But after eight months of dating an alcoholic, I… Read more »
I know my fiancé had a tough childhood and a really rough past relationship. We started our relationship with drinking outside and then covid nr 2 hit and we were living together drinking some beer/wine every night. Since spring I’ve been putting a stop to all the excessive drinking but he’s gone worse. He gets really drunk once a month at least. Sometimes being like really overly lovey dovey or then again making weird accusations against me and saying I’m the bad guy. He promises me he will not drink and then gets pissed off drunk. The behaviour has gotten… Read more »
I have to get this out of my system somehow or I feel like im going to explode. I met the love of my life about 8 years ago. Although we never got together over the years, he was my best friend. Almost 4 years ago we were both single at the same time, and decided to give it a shot. I knew he drank alot, because I was his bartender for a long while. At the beginning we had so much fun together. He cheated on me for the first 3 months of our relationship and I forgave him.… Read more »
I have been with my partner for nearly 6 years and when I first met him in 2016 he was 6 months sober, after about a year he started drinking again which was fine. He would only have a couple and I like a drink every now and again. The last 2/3 years his drinking has gone really bad, he would drink in the car if we would go anywhere, as soon as it got to 1pm in the afternoon he would start drinking. the more he drinks the less I do and I feel I cant have a drink… Read more »
My boyfriend and I have lived together for a year have been dating for three. We did some drinking together when we first started dating but a sip of alcohol will give me a migraine for days so it’s really not something I do or enjoy doing. As we did not live together for the first couple years of dating, I did not know how much of a problem he really had. Only after earning his trust did he finally admit to me how bad his problem was. He was drinking until he couldn’t drink anymore every night. As a… Read more »
I’m sure if my wife really loved me she would seek treatment to quit drinking. Clearly she has made the choice to continue drinking notwithstanding the destruction and unhappiness it has rained upon us. We lost a son to heroin addiction which was the beginning of the end. I did everything I could to assist him in his quest to abstain from drug use. So I see distinct parallels with the alcohol use disorder and I feel I’ve done all I can and wish to move on.
I have only been my boyfriend for three months I did not know he had a really bad drinking problem I am feeling really alone want to talk to you I don’t know do I stay or leave him it’s getting really scary because he turned to abusive to me when he talk to me
Just over a year together and its getting worse and worse. It’s been worse this past month since he admitted he has a problem but refuses to get help! It’s like he’s just said “f…it” now that people know. We planned on moving in together but I’ve put a stop to it. I have children (not his) that I need to think about! I refuse to put them through anything. The lies, disrespect, aggression, never sober, women, cheating online, not working (I’ve been footing the bill and now in debt myself) the whole ridiculous mental cycle that goes on and… Read more »
It is scary seeing patterns of my own relationship in these pages. It is clear to me now that my husband is functioning alcoholic. I tried so hard to believe that he is not, but it is glaringly obvious that drinking is a permanent fixture in his life. He drinks about three or four times a week and when he is, he breaks promises, let me and the kids down and generally gets depressed. He blames his unhappiness on me because I am not accepting his drinking and lack of discipline and because I demand better. We argue and his… Read more »
I have been with my partner 17 years, we have one son who is 12. When we first met I didn’t notice any issues as we were young and drinking every week was the done thing. Once we were parents though I started to notice how he couldn’t go 1 week without drinking. It’s crept up over the last 12 years. He’s not a day drinker. He starts drinking at like 10pm at night till he goes to bed in the early hours of the morning. These days it’s almost every night. He hides his empty bottles around the house.… Read more »
I’m struggling. I loved a man that always told me that he didn’t have a drinking problem he just enjoyed being social. He would criticise his friends that spent time in the pub when they had young families. I thought he knew what was important. I’m breaking. I ended the relationship because I was fed up that he could get to the pub early but never come to mine early. He was fed up of my moaning. Saying he thought the world of me but he was a drinker and always would be. I’ve beat myself, I’ve blamed myself for… Read more »
I’m married to an alcoholic. When drunk he hates me, hates himself and his life. He either is talking about killing himself or how horrible I am as a person. I’m tired of the mornings after where he apologizes and says he never meant it. It’s happened so much I have no idea what to believe, other than I no longer trust he fully loves me and is full of excuses. He knows he has a problem and will always say how much he wants to change, but like I said, he can find any excuse to drink and will… Read more »
I can’t believe I’m writing this story. I come from a family with alcohol problems. I fell in love with someone who I felt chose alcohol over me. The final straw was when I asked him not to bring a bottle of vodka to the beach with me. It was a very special occasion for me. I told him I just wanted him to spend time with me sober and have fun. I felt like he couldn’t go a couple of hours without it and it made me feel so inadequate. I thought I conveyed that nicely and just tried… Read more »
My daughter loves and lives with an alcoholic and their 1 year old daughter. I find it so stressful knowing how he lets her down and uses her that I have now chosen to step away. My daughter had a miscarriage last month and he went off for a 6 day bender while I helped her recover, before coming back. Now they’re all happy families again and I feel sick. He called me to apologise as he has done many times before but this time I stated very clearly : I choose not to have a call with you right… Read more »
To the guy who chose alcohol over me – I know you’ve rationalized that downing 12 beers in one hour every night is normal and makes you happy but the 15 hour naps afterwards where I had to take on your life responsibilities such as feeding your dog, letting him outside and cleaning up the house was less than desirable. Let’s be honest, your charm and caring nature was incredible. The roses and gifts never got old and your humor was every sarcastic girls dream but the inability to go anywhere or do anything without a beer within reach was… Read more »
I left an alcoholic three years ago ( the father of my children) I tried so hard everyday to save him but he was so angry and upset all the time I felt alone and fell into a dark place. After finding myself again I met a new guy he is amazing after a year of dating him I realized he drank a lot and noticed him hiding it. He told me he was an alcoholic but his personality was so much different then my ex he was kind and loving not mean. Still I feel I’m falling down the… Read more »
I love an alcoholic. He was never one before, he has ptsd from the past as a child. He would numb the pain with marijuana. Four years ago though, we were going through a rough patch and he decided we needed a break. Which we did, if he would have never have left, I would not be about to graduate with 2 masters and a good job. Instead of him fixing and working on himself, he got a part-time job at a bar. Within three months of working there, he got a dui. After that, he told me he was… Read more »