Would the drinking stop if he or she loved you?

Published by at 10:58 am under Common Concerns

Welcome to First Steps to Al-Anon Recovery. This is a series of podcasts to discuss some common concerns for people who have been affected by someone else’s drinking.

Today we’re going to ask Al-Anon members if they ever thought the drinking would stop if the drinker really loved them.

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253 comments on “Would the drinking stop if he or she loved you?”

  1. Suli says:

    I met him when I was in a dark place in my life. My ex had left me pregnant and alone. I was looking for a friend and ended up hanging out with him one night. He was drunk when I came over but I really didnt think much of it. I wasnt looking for love… Just a distraction. We got along so well we ended up dating. Little did I know the entire time we dated he was talking to other girls and telling all his friends that I was living on the streets and how he took me in. It was a lie of course. I lived with my sister in a house we shared and had never been homeless in my life. His lying only got worse the longer we were together… After catching him cheating twice and lying about his continued contact with the girls and there families, I’d had enough. I was pregnant again this time with his child and I had kicked him out. I still dont know whats worse… The way his drinking ruined our relationship… Or the fact that I’ll never forgive him for choosing alcohol over me and our family. I told him last night that I wont b giving our son his last name when I give birth. His family made several threats about killing our unborn child and thus are not allowed around him. I told him since he is the only member of his side of the family that our child will know, I would rather him not know his father at all if he’s going to continue to be a drunk. I would rather him think his father is a good man who couldn’t handle the stress than for him to b abused by his alcoholic father.. He still calls me saying I’m over reacting and how we are going to be together. Even after all of this he cant admit to the verbal or physical abuse he put me through… I finally realized he’s never going to change for me.

  2. Tara says:

    I used to think if my husband loved me, he’d quit drinking. Now . . . I realize that he doesn’t have room in his heart to love more than one thing at a time. He loves alcohol. I’m just here. He’d rather spend time alone and drink. He is angry when I ask, beg, threaten and plead for him to be and get sober and he can be verbally abusive when drunk, but he is lucky enough to pass out every night and not remember it the next day. I feel tortured and miserable because I can’t forget the things he says. I can’t speak to him about his mouth because he claims I “over exaggerate” how he treats me when he is drunk. I literally down play a lot of his behaviors because I feel sorry for him. He is embarrassing and I feel bad for him. I just know people have to talk about him when he is drunk and it makes me feel like I have to protect him. He hurts me and I feel like I have to protect him? Crazy what sober people go through living through someone’s alcoholism. He lies about how much he drinks. He believes just because half a bottle of whiskey fits into one very large glass, it constitutes as one drink. I started writing him emails, believing that he would read them while sober and it would be more productive for a stable marriage . . . Sadly I found out he has quit reading them.

    When we first got together we drank together and had a ton of fun. He would tell me the next day how I acted and what I said and I remembered none. Not only was I embarrassed, but I began to realize that I loved him enough to give him all of me. Sober me. To actually give our marriage a real chance by being . . . Me. It’s just too bad that he doesn’t feel the same way. What it boils down to is what we had in common was drinking. Now that I don’t drink, it appears we have nothing in common.

    I pray that one day he will realize the severity of how thin our marriage is being pulled due to his alcoholism, but I’m beginning to accept that he will be happy alone and drunk. I will soon begin preparing to move and start a life without him.

  3. Cindy says:

    Best thing is just let him be the alcoholic he is. It will get him in the end. I have tried for years to get him to stop. There is a point where you just give up. I am planning a life without him as his days are numbered. He most recently got his 4th DUI so let the courts deal with him now. He cannot drive for 3 years and yet he gets his booze. Tonight he is not home – somewhere – and most likely will walk home if he can even find his way after his drinking. I refused to pick him up! I will not be an enabler anymore! How is he going to make his court dates? Not my problem anymore! It might sound cruel but I have been to hell and back with his drinking. Final thought – if he does try and walk home he might just get picked up by police. Happy Easter to him!

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